May 21, 2006

Trails of Unbelief

Black and red letters.

Borrowed books wait for me & hold strings of knowledge, speaking of You in truth and heresy, in educated guesses and research. they fill me with smart answers, artificial life and quick rebukes for the people of this world who don't get who You are. It seems like they lighting up knowledge of truth as I drink it in and wait eagerly for more, but I have ignored the Light that casts out all fear. There is something else that will end my thirst, something deeper. I set Life aside as though this recipe called for a bit of darkness-- that's what control is, this lukewarm blend of heresy that seems worth making our own. Darkness isn't part of sacrifice.

Now I see You have been set aside. Wasn't I set apart for a holy purpose? You were ignored by me today, I chose what is second best. Remember, it wasn't you who chose Me, but I chose you. I used my own defenses for this, but You said pray for those who hurt you. I've missed You; I've listened to the lies about what I need. The church is not a bunch of programs, there is no such thing as a pure translation, and there is so much I can't see --ALL will fall short of true glory. So please say You dream for me and that You are in this air, closer than hands and feet.

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