sometimes feeling things so deeply makes me overwhelmed and it is hard to process. is feeling some of God's heart supposed to make me feel weak? Sometimes the presence of God isn't as straightforward as I'd like it to be. Sometimes I observe so much joy and wish it were always like that.

I've been trying in my own strength to do a lot. I don't like feeling weak in God's presence

it's puzzling why it makes me weaker. its confounding that God's presence isn't just increasing joy.

maybe weakness is a door...

maybe its about feeling so secure in love and in being a blind servant

that I say yes before I see the next level,

the next sacrifice and

the next experience that doesn't make sense at first.