It can be frustrating waiting and processing through something I know I need more of but can't get access to as it were for my heart to grasp it. I know that I can rewrite truth on my heart by meditating on scripture. Sometimes doing that doesn't seem to do much, and I don't know what to do differently. I wonder if it is a requirement to believe the "old" things are completely and certainly false and that the truth to be rewritten is real before this can occur. I find myself asking, is it real? is there more for me in this area than I already have? What is this experience like? How do I get it into my heart? Is meditating on scripture enough if I'm not first convinced it is real and deep?
It's still easy to wish there is some place I can go to get all of it even though the word says I already have all of it. There isn't one thing I can ask to be imparted, or one prayer. The timing is missing... the certainty is lacking. It's definitely not a superficial thing though, it is not a piece of theory or theology, but an experience that fills a void, a memory that was left unwritten.