November 07, 2005

hermit: heremos (greek) = wilderness

I don't know if I like the wilderness or not. Yet, what better place for a lost lonely feeling to find a home? Not a favorite place to be, but one where all the things I can't figure out are laid on the altar. A place where adversity can tear away from me everything I think I can rely on in myself and reveal my weaknesses, that I might return to a state of dependence on God for all I am. Would a true wilderness be easier than the relational things I get caught up in here? Would it change my character or would I cry out too soon that I've had enough? if I had a cabin on a forest island all alone would I be closer to that place where Jesus walked and fasted, communing with his father? Closer than my life with its repetitive uncertainties and puzzle pieces of how to live in full reliance on something to which our culture says I don't need you. Closer to the One that will always satisfy, never leave, and promises to dry our tears. How I begin to long for a wilderness when there are so many things I don't understand. I've had hermit times where it wasn't just an isolation but a closer look at who I am, even if people label it antisocial. I do think it is a place I need, since no one can give me answers or listen to me for more than a moment except that still small voice. Even if all it says is... Trust Me.

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