Process part 1.

Do you know what the best thing in life is?
Experiencing truth.

I heard it said that some things are true, in fact many things are true, including a lot of theology and life, but until we experience it then it becomes truth. This is so very real. Each of these truths must lead to an experience or it's just knowledge.

I have been in a difficult season, and aspects of it were described in previous posts. I became incapable of listening to any teaching or discussion, and just craved experiencing it all because I knew there was so much more. Recently I happily realized that I understand more if I give up my right to understand. But what if I lose by letting go of friendships and desires? I thought. Little did I know that was just the beginning. It was the start of obeying, and letting go, which released freedom, which led to more of God's presence, which led to obedience, in a nice circle. I realized more and more things that I thought God gave me the right to pursue were to be given up. Jesus may want to be our friend, but not in the sense we think of friends as. Jesus desires to be Lord, to live through us with nothing else in us; for all our rights to be given over to Him that He could make what he wants of us, just like the potter does in the book of Jeremiah.
I need to give my desires back to God, even if they are for good things I've wanted for a long time.  And at the same time lay down my rights-- they seem so good but are weights  that hinder us more than they help. This helps me be free of any lies I believe that are producing dead fruit in my heart. Who wants to tape fruit on their tree? It must be real fruit, produced by abiding in truth, chewing on truth to have the experience, the REAL taste. All these things reset the value of my life; changed how I see things, and people and God. I'd rather have nothing happen at all if I can't have this. There is always change, so I may as well be useful with it and pray "God change me and make me the way you want me to be." Becoming like others or some ideal or having no real truth in life is so second best.
This was a chorus I listened to endlessly in November that Misty was singing in the IHOP prayer room:
Come and open up the doors
Come and set my mind at ease
come and help my unbelief
Spirit of God awaken me
Set my spirit free 

And a quote:
You're not responsible for the outcome of your obedience. Only your obedience.