March 27, 2009

Joy in words

I wanted to put some words to what I've experienced lately... although it's hard to articulate, here goes. About a week ago I had a complete about face of where i was, and total freedom came in to every part of my mind and faith. it was full of Joy! The following is my expression of how I got to the tangible love of God that gave me freedom from discouragement etc. There is no formula for it, or something specific I did to get there.

This winter for me has been a dry and boring time, to endure, that I was told I'd have keys at the end to release freedom to others who are in the same place I was in. And I do have those now. During this season, discouragement hounded me, and everything was colorless. There can be a lot of wise teachings, which are encouraging, but they had to be assimilated into me to rise above the discouragement that so easily entangles. There has to be a heart pursuit of the Holy Spirit making real the things that are heard and read. It is also true in these times that discouragement can erode character, and that there is no such thing as inertia. But each test will take us to the next level of the kingdom, and no matter how busy life is the Joy is still there.

Revelation is like when your heart gets dunked underwater, being fully absorbed into the reality of truth which the mind has been trying to understand with every analytical resource available. Its like being transported to a different perspective, where the same valley suddenly takes on different qualities, of alluring beauty and preciousness that I didn't know was there. suddenly the place of suffering and preparation, waiting and dryness becomes a field where I'm being tickled on the nose with a feather, joy in every molecule of the air around me. and it's not a temporary high or a one time experience. it is true that the hardest thing to do is to wait. We must wait for the right timing for things to be released that we are eager to get on with, and in dry times, give our hearts to the Lord and persevere when it seems totally pointless. We have to let go, and enjoy life, enjoy what God has placed in each day, and know God will take care of the rest. It's a daily discipline to let go of expectations, rights, bitterness, jealousy, dreams, plans, formulas, finances, and then take ahold of favor and truths which are sharp weapons. When we still want something we will struggle. but as soon as we are free of it God may release it back to us, and then we have a choice to pursue it or not, and are not trapped by it.
I'm excited to share this, and have evidence of it in my life-- to keep walking in it and have confidence in who God is according to the bible, not just because it says so but because I've been consumed by how special I am, that I did nothing to deserve it and that the only kingdom that is authentic is within my heart.

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